funny old email...
about gay merit badges:
From: Kelly Hawk
Date: May 20, 1999 1:05:33 PM PDT
To: brian kusler
Subject: Re: SecJ-List: man..you kids are too damn serious...
before they'll issue you gay citizenship card, you have to show proof of owning at least 8 different styles of underwear from at least 3
different manufacturers, and prove that you don't own any underwear that comes in three (or more)-packs or cost less than $10.00 per pair.
the system sorta works like boyscout merit badges -- you have to have a certain number of them to qualify (you don't have to have them all)... so i could skip the underwear requirement, say, if i got the aerobics instructor or maybe the hairdresser badge. some of my other badges:
- shoes (the badge has a teeny, stitched likeness of imelda marcos)
- cooking (you should try my pumpkin risotto, or my chicken satay)
- expensive haircare products (a new one i just started working on after abandoning it in high school)
- snooty restaurants (much easier now that i'm in SF)
- chickrock (this is usually a lesbian "required" badge, but i'm doing some crossover work)
- chicksports (ditto)
- world traveler (earned this while going to school in germany)
- fagcar (i own a VW)
- gossip (i actually have a master-badge in this -- i'm like a jedi gossip)
- community therapist (how the hell could i master the gossip without everyone pouring out their souls to me?)
- piercings (ones done with gun don't count; single-ear piercings are considered a suburban white-trash demerit)
- there's more, but i've got work to do, and i'm trying to spare the gentle eyes of the secJ crowd from the numerous sexual badges i'm trying very hard not to talk about... (that trucker was worthy of a new badge category... whew!)
there's the added twist of demerit badges as well (e.g., having instant coffee in your cupboard, serving wine from a bottle with a cap instead of a cork, knowing too much about sports stats -- of course i'm not guilty of any of these...), but that's a topic for another email.
anyway--
bk
Now that you started enumerating them, don't forget the:
- opera
- musicals
- interior decorating
- towels/dinnerware/stemware/etc
- "camping" (I think the badge shows a designer-tent with large Honda generator next to it)
- party drugs (if you peel the badge apart, an emergency supply is underneath)
- clubwear ownership (seemly naked person with a single stitch on them)
- Castro/Village pilgrammage (I guess we're exempt from this now)
While somewhat outdated, I can't resist adding one from steel magnolias:
- track lighting ownership (or in our case, profuse use of dimmers)
Well, I have to get back to work, too. This is fun. I think there's a web page in here somewhere!
-- Kelly --
From: Kelly Hawk
Date: May 20, 1999 1:05:33 PM PDT
To: brian kusler
Subject: Re: SecJ-List: man..you kids are too damn serious...
before they'll issue you gay citizenship card, you have to show proof of owning at least 8 different styles of underwear from at least 3
different manufacturers, and prove that you don't own any underwear that comes in three (or more)-packs or cost less than $10.00 per pair.
the system sorta works like boyscout merit badges -- you have to have a certain number of them to qualify (you don't have to have them all)... so i could skip the underwear requirement, say, if i got the aerobics instructor or maybe the hairdresser badge. some of my other badges:
- shoes (the badge has a teeny, stitched likeness of imelda marcos)
- cooking (you should try my pumpkin risotto, or my chicken satay)
- expensive haircare products (a new one i just started working on after abandoning it in high school)
- snooty restaurants (much easier now that i'm in SF)
- chickrock (this is usually a lesbian "required" badge, but i'm doing some crossover work)
- chicksports (ditto)
- world traveler (earned this while going to school in germany)
- fagcar (i own a VW)
- gossip (i actually have a master-badge in this -- i'm like a jedi gossip)
- community therapist (how the hell could i master the gossip without everyone pouring out their souls to me?)
- piercings (ones done with gun don't count; single-ear piercings are considered a suburban white-trash demerit)
- there's more, but i've got work to do, and i'm trying to spare the gentle eyes of the secJ crowd from the numerous sexual badges i'm trying very hard not to talk about... (that trucker was worthy of a new badge category... whew!)
there's the added twist of demerit badges as well (e.g., having instant coffee in your cupboard, serving wine from a bottle with a cap instead of a cork, knowing too much about sports stats -- of course i'm not guilty of any of these...), but that's a topic for another email.
anyway--
bk
Now that you started enumerating them, don't forget the:
- opera
- musicals
- interior decorating
- towels/dinnerware/stemware/etc
- "camping" (I think the badge shows a designer-tent with large Honda generator next to it)
- party drugs (if you peel the badge apart, an emergency supply is underneath)
- clubwear ownership (seemly naked person with a single stitch on them)
- Castro/Village pilgrammage (I guess we're exempt from this now)
While somewhat outdated, I can't resist adding one from steel magnolias:
- track lighting ownership (or in our case, profuse use of dimmers)
Well, I have to get back to work, too. This is fun. I think there's a web page in here somewhere!
-- Kelly --
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